|Ed versus Angel Valentine's Day Special
||[Apr. 19th, 2005|06:04 pm]
Crossovers on Crack
This would be the highly controversial Valentine's Day Special- the first one where we really put that PG-13 rating to work. Or at least Envy does. Enjoy :3|
Crossover: Fullmetal Alchemist/Angel
Warnings: Yoai/Slash, pervert Envy, suggested sex, suggested crossdressing, Pokemon references, uh... other crap. Yeah, this is an awesome chapter.
Ed vs Angel VALENTINE’S DAY SPECIAL!
2: In a house, not too far away, there was a meeting called by all the girls of the FMA and BtVS fandoms…
1: OF IMINENT DOOM.
Cackling laughter comes from aforementioned house.
Winry: Quit it, Doyle.
Doyle: Hey, I was getting into it!
Rose: Why are you here anyway? The narrator just said it was the females of the fandoms
All the girls of the FMA and BtVS fandoms… and Doyle.
Rose: Okay, never mind.
Buffy: Look, let’s get down to business. We all want our bishonen back from the gay side, right?
Buffy: So, we’ve gotta have a plan. Any ideas?
Lust: Duh. Seduction.
Hawkeye: I would prefer simply asking them politely. *cocks gun*
Willow: *firing up the magicks* I’m ready when you are.
Shezicka: Um, uhh… but that could get a little bloody…
Shezicka: I’d rather have them alive…
Anya: So me and Xander can have pleasant sexual intercourse.
Rose: Sure. Let’s just go with that.
Cordelia: Look, these are our guys. I’m sure we don’t have to use force!
Doyle: What do you mean, our guys? I’m your guy!
Cordy: Put a sock in it, Doyle. I’m just here to see Xander and Angel’s love child.
Lust: Ah, yes, their little Wrathful sin.
Doyle: You know, I don’t really care for that mental image.
Lust: I know. *smirk*
Dru: My Spike will come back to me. He’s a little lost lamb, waiting for his mother.
Buffy: Oh please. He’s so over you. And the whole incest thing? Eew!
Hawkeye: Like I said, I’m sure I can convince the Colonel to come back to his senses.
Willow: So, do we have a master plan?
Winry: No, not really, but we can work with what we’ve got!
Fred: *realizes she hasn’t had a line* Just because I’m the only Angel alum, doesn’t mean I can’t contribute!
Lilah: *to Fred* Hey, I’m here!
Fred: Oh crap.
Rose: Let’s get moving. I have a baby waiting for me at home.
2: *tries to think of elaborate way to scene change* Ah, screw it!
2: The next, fateful, day…
1: February fourteenth. DUN DUN.
2: Ominous music plays as our heroes wake…
2: Wait, where the hell are they, anyway?
1: I dunno!
2: Let’s make it a gay-friendly hotel, and leave it at that.
1: Okay sure.
Xander: *still trying to keep custody of Wrath* Come on, before they all wake up…
Wrath: But what about Mommy?
Xander: Now sweetie, I want you to hear this, loud and clear.
Xander: MOMMY IS A CROSSDRESSING FREAK WHO LIKES TWO OTHER MEN!!
Everyone else: *wakes up*
Spike: *finds himself in a weird position with Envy* Bloody hell…
Envy: Mmm, it’s been a few hundred years since I had a night like that!
Spike: What?! You, you took advantage of me! I was in an altered state!! Oh, I’m gonna get you!!
Envy: Fine, you can go top next time.
Envy: Yes, that is what we did.
Ed: Huh? What are you talking about? *shines with innocence*
Amidst the chaos, Xander and Wrath took off unnoticed, only to run into…
All the girls (and Doyle): Hello.
Xander: *to Doyle* Hey, it’s you!
Anya slaps him.
Anya: And me!
Xander: I don’t think I deserved that…
Willow slaps him.
Willow: And me, you bastard!
Xander: I might’ve have deserved that…
Buffy: *just glares at him*
Xander: ANYTHING BUT THAT!!
Hawkeye: I believe you’ll need to come with us.
Winry: Now, let’s capture the rest of them!
Xander: Sure, whatever you say… *gulp*
Wrath: (Hi Lust!)
Lust: (Hi Wrath.)
Cordy: Alright, Rose, you stay behind with those two.
Rose: Aww, I wanted some Ed-lovin’…
2: Welcome to Battledome Two! With Spike and Envy!
Spike: Attack of the Cockney Accents!
Envy begins to speak in a very very scary cockney accent.
Envy: Bloody- wait, this could be useful.
Envy: Don’t get angry now, bird. *Envy laughter*
Spike: Come on! Don’t mke me get peroxide on your ass!
Envy: You can put whatever you want on my ass, lover~ *pervy wink*
Buffy: Spike, what the hell are you doing?
Lust: Nice catch.
Envy: I know, right?
Cordy: Look, we know you guys are going through some… changes, but get the hell back in the red-states, people!
Winry: *takes careful aim*
Ed: *gets hit and knocked out by flying wrench*
Angel: *realizes Wrath is gone* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON?!
Somewhere, Conner growls.
Lust: Relax, gel-hair. He’ll be safe and sound… as long as you come with us.
Angel: *sobs uncontrollably*
Buffy awakens to this.
Buffy: What the hell? SON?!
In the background, Hawkeye is repeatedly shooting next to Roy and Wesley’s heads.
Angel: Wait, wait, I- I thought you knew about Conner!
Fred: Well Angel, I sorta forgot to tell her about that.
Lilah: This is getting good.
Lilah: Got some right here.
Winry: *picks up unconscious Ed* Alright, I got what I came for.
Buffy: Wait a minute Angel, what’s this I hear about a son?
Spike: Or two.
Buffy: *a WTF? look on her face*
Angel: Uh, well, you know…
Angel: Oh shit.
Hawkeye: *escorting Roy at gunpoint* Come, Colonel.
Wes: Well Angel, would you like to tell her before she goes homicidal?
Angel: Okay Buffy, Conner is… WESLEY’S BROTHER!!
Buffy drop-kicks Angel.
Envy: Smooth, gel-boy.
Spike: This is getting violent, all right!
Dru: Not so fast, Spike…
Dru: *hypnotizes Spike*
Spike: *eyes get all swirly*
Dru: Come here, pet… *escorts him to where the others are*
Lust: I don’t even like you, Envy, but I guess I’m in charge of you now.
Envy: Whaaat? No more sex?
Lust: No more gay sex.
Lilah: *to Wes* Well lover, seeing as this is getting a bit too stupid for me, I was thinking maybe we should go now.
Wes: But I despise you!
Lilah: I know how to make you come *gives that malicious glare of hers*
Envy: *perverted snicker*
Lust: Shut up and come on.
Wes: Must, resist, the urge…
Fred: He’s mine, bitch!
Lilah: Not even worth my time! Come on, Wesley!
Shezicka: *makes more popcorn*
Willow, Anya, Cordy, and Doyle take some.
Fred: No! You’re going down!!
Doyle: CHICK FIGHT!!
Wes: I CHOOSE YOU, ANGEL!!
1: What? Pokemon reference?
Angel: But Wes! I told you I want Ed!!
2: This soap opera is killing me!!
Buffy: No. you are going home with me tonight!
Buffy: I wanna see that Angelus come out cuz only I can give you damn fime happiness!!
1: I think it’s time for a scene change…
2: Yes, lets!!
Xander: *is incredibly bored by Rose talking about her baby*
Rose: And his cute little face- *sees Winry carting back Ed* Edward! MY LOVE!!
Rose: *snatches Ed* ARE YOU ALIIIIVE?!
Ed: *wakes up to Rose’s face* AAAAH!!
Winry: HEY! I got him first!! *brandishes wrench*
Rose: *ignores her* Edward, dearest, I heard the most DREADFUL rumors about you!! TELL ME IT’S NOT TRUE!!
Ed: AAAAAAAH!! *is unable to speak in sheer terror*
Winry: BACK OFF, BITCH!!
Lila and Shezicka: *get popcorn again*
Ed: *still screaming*
Willow and Anya join Xander, enthralled by the fight.
Rose: I WILL PURIFY YOU!! *chains Ed to wall like in second episode*
Ed: AAAAH! Do I at least get bread again? AAAAAAHH!!
Anya: *to Willow* Wait, why are YOU here? You’re gay!
Willow: You wanna make something of it??
Willow: I call upon the power of Osiris… DO MY BIDDING!!
Scary purple clouds begin to form.
Anya: So? You think that’s gonna do me in? A cloud?
Bunnies fall from the clouds.
Winry and Rose are distracted from fighting over Ed by this.
And now, who would show up but…
Horatio: Hello, *pause* ladies.
Rose: Hmm? Who’s this?
Horatio: My name is *pause* Horatio…
Rose: AHHH!! How did you know I find pauses incredibly sexy?! *leaps into his arms*
Ed: I BELIEVE IN GOD!!
Horatio: Let us *pause* go back *pause* to my *pause* mothership…
Rose: We’ll have to pick up my baby on the way, so let’s hurry. I don’t think Dante is a responsible sitter!
Horatio: Away *pause* we *pause* go…
The scary people fly away, hopefully never to be seen again…
All: *sigh in relief*
Xander: So ladies, we were in the middle of a cat fight, weren’t we?
Anya: Xander, stop acting out of character.
Xander: This is in-character!
Anya: But you’re gay here! Be good or authoress two will get mad at you. She’s already suffering a nervous breakdown from her writer’s block.
1: Oy vey… (excuse my Yiddish)
Back to the scandal that is Angel and sons!
Angel is getting his ass kicked by Buffy.
Wes: Buffy, if you must know the truth…
Buffy: *stops, realizing Angel is already near death*
Buffy: What is the truth then, Wesley?
Wes: Well, Connor is Angel and Darla’s son…
Wes: Are you sure you want to hear the rest?
Buffy: I can handle it, Wes.
Wes: Well, Moofy is… ANGEL AND XANDER’S ILLEGITAMITE LOVE CHILD!!
Angel: *winces as he awaits a horrible death*
2: WHEN SUDDENLY…
1: What? WHAT?!
Anonoymous Masked Man: I’LL SAVE YOOOOOOU~
2: My plotbunnies drive me wonky.
1: No kidding.
2: AND THE MASKED MAN IS…
All: JOSS WHEDON?!
OMFG!! The revelations in this Special are astounding!! Pervert Envy? Connor is Wesley’s brother? SPENVY? JOSS WHEDON?!?!?!?! AND, WHY ARE THE SQUIRRELS GLARING AT ME!!!
Find the answers and more in… CHAPTER SIX!!
Ed: Hello? I’m still chained up here… HELLO?
Ed: Can I at least have some bread?