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Crossovers on Crack

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Ed versus Angel 6 [Apr. 19th, 2005|06:13 pm]
Crossovers on Crack


And chapter six... I'll post more later. I have, sort of, a life. Really! I do!

Crossover: Fullmetal Alchemist/Angel/Surprise Fandom (for this chapter only)
Genre: Crack/Fluff
Rating: PG
Warnings: Real people insertations, real people torturing, minor language, more pet insertations, long-lost fathers, cannibalism, authoress involvement, scary plot twists

Chapter 6


All the Buffy alums glare at Joss, and Buffy slugs him.

Joss: Hey!

Anime people: Who the heck is this guy?

Buffy: I’ll tell you who. He is the sadistic bastard who had the NERVE to make my life a living hell!

Envy: Can’t imagine why.

Joss: Hey, I never asked you to complain!

1: She needs to be asked?

Angel and Spike hold Buffy back as she tries to tear out Joss’s eyes.

Ed: This is… strange.

Roy: Seriously, what is this guy?

Joss: If I could just explain myself…

Buffy: What is there to explain? You are sadistic and evil.

All Buffy/Angel alums nod in agreement.

Joss: Well, I couldn't just let you go and kill my star (Angel)! Then the WB wouldn’t need a reason to cancel the show!

Ed: Oh! I get it! He’s your mangaka!

Joss: Now THERE'S an intelligent character! What's your name, son?

Ed: My name is Edward Elric and I don’t like you already. I’m not your son!

Joss: What does being my son have anything to do with it?

Ed: Because my daddy was mean! He left me and Al and Mommy to DIE!

Joss: O..o

Joss is nervous as all the Buffy and Angel alums approach him.

Buffy: *slap* You made my life the worst soap opera EVER!

Doyle: *slap* You killed meee!!

Cordy: And me! *slap*

Fred: And me! *slap*

Lilah and Anya: Us too! *double slap*

Buffy: You killed me, then brought me back to life!! *bitch-slaps*


All: *stare*

Angel: What?

All: *sweatdrop*

The anime characters watch these proceedings with shock/interest/sadistic amusement.

Xander: *slap* You made me and Angel have an illigetimate love child!

Joss: What?! That was the crack THOSE two were on! *points to authoresses*

Angel: *looks at 1* Hey, I’ve seen you before!

1: Shush! You’re not supposed to know we’re manipulating you!

2: *whistles innocently*

Buffy: Who the hell are YOU?

Envy: I don’t know, but the skinny one kind of makes me afraid…

2: Hey! *glares*

1: Don’t worry, she has that effect on everyone.

2: HEY!! *rabidly bares fangs*

1: What’d I tell you. *is used to this rabid behavior*

Cordy: Well, the other one is a total nerd!

1: Really? You think so? *is thrilled*

Cordy: *backs away*

1: WHY do people always DO that around me?!

2: Well, stop being so giddy! We have a bunch of rabid characters on our hands!!

1: I thought you said you had them vaccinated?!

2: They ARE! Don’t you know what Joss Whedon DOES to people?!

1: Oh. That.

1: I say we create a diversion!

2: Greeeeat idea, except they’re all staring at us right now.

1: Well, you think of something better then!

2: Um, right then.

2: *starts to sing badly*

All, including 1: AAAH!

Xander: I think she’s gonna blow!

Ed: Run for it!!

1: Right behind you!

2: I was making that distraction for US, idiot!

1: I knew that.

2: Sure ya did.

1: I was making it more realistic!

2: *sweatdrop*

1: Is there a plot somewhere around here?

2: Right, back with the fleeing charactors (and Joss)…

1: It’s cool how we can speak in parenthases.

2: Shut up.

Roy: What in the Gate was that?

Spike: I’m not sure, but it couldn’t have been human.

Wes: Right, what should we do about him?

All: *look at Joss*

Joss: *cringes*



Ed: Huh? Food?


Willow: Aww, quit being a baby!

Envy: I love this part.

Buffy’s eyes shine with fiendish excitement, and people back away.

Asta: Her eyes are sparkly.

All: *stare at randomly appearing dog*

Ebony: *jealously* My eyes can beat her eyes any day! *eyes shine brightly*

All: *stare at randomly appearing cat*

Roy: Are we all aware that these animals are talking?

All: *nod*

Roy: Good. I’ve heard it’s much healthier to be insane in a group.

Bo the pimp cat walks in.

Bo: Hey babes.

Asta: Oh, god, I’m surrounded by felines!

Leo: Fear not, we’re here as well!

Muffin: Yep.

Rocky: And me as well.

Asta: It’s my BOYFRIEND!!

Rocky: Scratch that. *runs*

Leo: I’ll be your boyfriend!

Asta: Well, I do have a thing for smaller men.

Muffin: You’re MY boyfriend!

Leo: Right…

Phone: Deedle deedle deedle…

Angel: Oh sorry, that’s mine! *flips open* Hola!

Mysterious Voice: Do you LICK scary movies?

Angel: Why yes, yes I do.

All: *crickets chirp*

Voice: Meeeeeeeeeow~

Angel: *SCREAMS*

Wes Craven: That’s what I’m TALKING bout!

A dark aura pervades the area as a feline figure walks in…

Asta: Oh crap.

Other cats seem to mysteriously bow.

Nameless Orange Cat: IT’S GONNA BE A SCREAM, BABY!

All animals: *run for the hills with the knife-toting kitty chasing them*

All other characters: *run for the hills with the knife-toting Billy chasing them randomly*

Suddenly, a terrifying machine leaps in front of our characters.

Envy: Holy crap!

Ed: IT’S A PLOT DEVICE!! Every gay man for himself!!

Doyle: The horror! The pure, unadulterated horror!!

Angel: MY eyes! MY EYES!!

1: Aww, who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY?

2: O…o

1: Can I keep it? Can I? Pleeeease?

2: Sure, just stay the HELL AWAY FROM ME!!

1: My cuuute little boy!!

2: *grabs Doyle* Come on, let’s get out of here!

Plot Device: Too late. *spews plot*

All: *scream*

Joss Whedon: *has sudden revelation* I just remembered something!

Buffy: WHAT??

Ed: But I’m still hungry… *advances*

Joss: *takes commanding tone* Edward! You cannot consume me!

Ed: Huh?

Joss: Ed…


*crickets chirp*

*a cow moos*

Joss: Ed!

Ed: What?

Joss: Ed!!

Ed: What?!

Joss: ED!!

Ed: WHAT!!

Envy: Spit it out, dammit!

Joss: Edward! I AM YOUR MOTH- I mean father.

Joss: Damn, the gayness is catching.

Ed: …

Joss: So please don’t eat me!

Ed: *eats him*

Buffy: Oh. My. God.


Roy: Free enchiladas?

Angel: NO!! I know what it is!!! CROSSDRESSING KAREOKE NIGHT!!

All: *stare*


All Buffy Alums: FREEEEEEEEE!!

All Animepeople: *scared*

Buffy randomly begins to Irish dance.

So does Doyle

All Animepeople: *scareder*

Spike: Bloody hell, that reminds me!

Spike: Tomorrow is…

Doyle: *giddily* SAINT PATRICKS DAY!

Envy: Ooh! My favorite color!

Everybody realizes that today was just Valentine's Day as well

Ed: *burp* Damn, time flies around here…

Twilight Zone music plays.

Evil laughter is heard.

OH MY GAWD! Joss Whedon cannibalized? BY HIS OWN SON? The authoresses discovered?! Random pet appearences? Insane Plot devices? AND ST PATS IS TOMORROW?!